


My world

by micasaessakusa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:02:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25101340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micasaessakusa/pseuds/micasaessakusa
Summary: He deserves all the comfort this harsh world can give him, and if he can’t have that when he’s with you then you’ll choose to let him go…even if that would break you.
Relationships: Kita Shinsuke/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 157





	My world

_ Crippling despair. _

That is the only way to describe it, you guess; the only way to describe the feeling of having to watch the love of your life throw everything away for you.

But even that is still too soft a word to convey the emotions brewing inside you, twisting your heart with a barbed vice grip and stewing within your mind whispers of contempt you know you do not deserve but are nonetheless true.

Shinsuke was your world -- is you world and forever will be, and you know that in the same way, you are his. Maybe even more. But what a cruel world you are to him if just to be in your arms, he has to pay the price of… well, everything else.

It boils down to you or  _ everything _ , no in between.

A mere touch of his never fails to warm you, but his hands that rest on the now apparent swell of your stomach  _ singes  _ you.

Looking at him, you tear up upon seeing Kita,  _ your Shinsuke _ , his hair matted to his forehead because of sweat and his eyes tired but still bright despite what was sure to have been a gruelling day. Glancing down, you spot his soft, gentle hands littered with dark marks from fixing cars at the local mechanic.

You know it’s not easy for him, not even a little bit, but every time he comes home to you, he never fails to show you nothing but pure love and adoration on his face. And you’re touched, but also so utterly confused at how he could look at you as if you hadn’t just ruined his life.

He gives you a soft smile before his slightly chapped lips plant a full kiss on yours. No matter the circumstances, his kisses never fail to serve as a reminder that there will always be one person in the world who will never leave your side, no questions asked. But this affects you differently for rather than serving as a form of comfort, it instead brews some darker thoughts in your mind, tracing back to the strained conversation you had with his family before everything fell to ruin.

Backing a little from you, his lips pull to another tender upward tilt before he excuses himself to wash up, making sure to peck your stomach one last time.

Your eyes trace his movements towards the bathroom and as soon as the door shuts, you’re once again left alone to stew in your own mind-numbing thoughts.

——

_ “Are you sure it’s yours, Shinsuke?” _

_ Kita’s usually warm coffee brown eyes narrow imperceptibly, cold emanating from him at the blatant insinuation thrown at you. _

_ “Yes, mother,” he answers evenly despite the tightening of his hold on your hand. Meanwhile, you keep your stare trained on the floor, not having the courage to look at the scrutinizing gaze of Shinsuke’s parents. _

_ He warned you about their predisposition and prejudice, but you hadn’t anticipated just how much distaste they would actually be hiding behind a curtain of impeccable manners. _

_ Sensing your discomfort, your boyfriend of only a year wraps an arm around you, rubbing soothing patterns on your back. _

_ For the first time that night, his father speaks, but he doesn’t even look at you when he does. _

_ “Get rid of it,” he says with total indifference while still commanding finality. “This kind of inconvenience will only serve to bring dishonor to our name.” _

_ He spits venom at the ‘inconvenience’ that is your child and it takes all of your willpower to not break down right there and then. His family speaks of everything as if it’s nothing. As if you are nothing. As if your relationship with their son is nothing. As if the child inside you, despite not being planned, was not made from the love you shared with Shinsuke. _

_ But you guess maybe it is like that. Maybe to them, you really are nothing. _

_ After all, what’s a nobody like you even doing with the sole heir of the Kita family, renowned business tycoons in the continent, whom anyone who’s a somebody covet to form even just an acquaintance with? _

_ Who are you to sully the name of a bloodline that has been thriving since long before your great grandparents were even born? _

_ Nobody. That’s what you are. _

_ You are so lost in your all-consuming thoughts that you fail to notice at first how Shinsuke is already in front of you, standing tall and facing his parents. It’s only then that you become aware of the tears streaming down your face, dropping to your hands that are pulled into tight fists. _

_ “Mother and Father, [Y/N] and I have not been together for long, but we have known each other for years now,” he starts, voice remaining calm and collected despite how tense his whole body is. “This will not please you, but I have already made my decision the moment she informed me she’s pregnant with my child.” _

_ His words echo repeatedly in your mind and your heart beats so rapidly from the overwhelming adoration flowing through your body… ‘my child.’ Your Shinsuke said ‘my child,’ and you could not have been happier just by hearing those words. _

_ Chancing a look at his parents, you see them still stoic, face completely devoid of emotion nor even a sliver of shock. Perhaps, they’ve accepted his decision? But even you know that that would be wishful thinking. What you do know now, however, is that you would not be alone in this journey. _

_ Shinsuke’s words flood you with relief from the anxiety of having to go through the pregnancy alone. Even though you never doubted him, hearing him actually say he’ll be by your side sends you an unparalleled level of comfort and reassurance. _

_ Not waiting for his family to speak, he takes your hand and helps you to stand, aware of how shaky you currently are. He bows low to his parents to signal the end of the conversation, his torso almost parallel to the ground, and when he rises back up he gives you what might have been the most tender look you’ve seen on his face the entire time you’ve known each other. _

_ In a low voice, he speaks, “We shall be going now,” then guides you to the exit. _

_ Just as you’re about to pass the threshold, his father says a single sentence that would forever make you question just how much you’ve taken from the man you claim to love. _

_ “Once you leave this house, you will be stripped of everything that has to do with the family and name you so easily turn your back on.” _

_ Instantly, you freeze on your tracks, but Shinsuke just steers you forward with a gentle hand on your back, the words of his father not making his steps falter for even a bit. _

_ Under his breath, he whispers his own answer, steady and with full conviction. _

_ “Then so be it.” _

——

It’s been a couple of months since then but not a day has gone by with you not thinking about it.

Kita Shinsuke is a humble man, down-to-earth and genuine. He’s never one to indulge in materialistic things but anyone with eyes can see that he’s struggling to live a less privileged life. After all, he grew up so used to having both needs and wants always there, always available most especially because of his name. He’s a hard worker, yes, but up until a few months ago, he’s never had to actually work to live.

He tries his best, you know he does just like he always has, maybe even more so now that he has other people to take care of. He never complains… and that makes it all the worse for you.

Each day that passes, you become increasingly aware of the darkening circles under his eyes, his thinning frame, and everything about him now just glaringly shouts how this is not the life fit for a man like him.

You claim to love him, but by him reciprocating what does he get?  _ Misery.  _

The sound of the bathroom door opening snaps you from your stupor and in the next second, your boyfriend steps out, freshly showered and with a towel hanging from his neck. He has a small smile on his lips but it falls as soon as he sees you.

A frown appears on his face as he rushes towards you, worry etched onto his features.

“Is something wrong, love?” he says when he takes both your hands into his larger ones. He gazes at you, warm brown orbs focused solely on your face as he searches you for any pain.

“Does it hurt somewhere?”

It’s only when he brings a hand up to wipe the tears off your face do you realize you’re crying. Sniffling, you quickly wipe away all traces of your breakdown, glancing instead on the floor out of embarrassment.

“It’s nothing, Shin,” you say so quietly that he almost misses it. 

He chooses not to probe, guiding you instead to sit on the worn out couch. Your tears gradually come to a slow stop with the aid of the soothing circles he rubs on your back, and once again, your heart clenches at how just naturally nurturing he is.

A few moments pass with him trying to calm you down and when you get your breathing back to normal, he speaks.

“Something has been bothering you for a while now, don’t think I haven’t noticed.”

Your eyes snap wide as you look at him, guilt clear on your face. Have you unintentionally been worrying him by being transparent? Or is he so in tune with your emotions that he’s able to read you so easily?

Kita’s a perceptive person and it doesn’t really surprise you that he has caught on to your distress, but how you wish that this one time, he doesn’t, for it would only pile on top of his already long list of worries.

He caresses your hands and the warmth emanating from his palms brings you a sense of ease.

“Please talk to me, love. Whatever it is, we can work on it togeth--”

“ _ Let’s break up. _ ”

Shock paints his face the instant you blurt the words out and that’s all it takes for hurt and confusion to fill his usually unreadable eyes. 

You stare at him, surprise also clear on your face from what you said, but you don’t take it back. You love him and you’ll give him this one chance to back out. You’ll set him free if that’s what it costs to allow him to live a life of comfort once more.

He deserves all the comfort this harsh world can give him, and if he can’t have that when he’s with you then you’ll choose to let him go… even if that would break you.

Silence fills the small space of your apartment, neither of you having the courage to break the silence first.

His hold on your hand tightens, but you still don’t speak in fear of taking your words back.  _ But if only he knew just how much you want to. _

You’re scared,  _ so scared _ that he would agree to break up. And you know you would fall apart without him, but you have to do this. Kita’s been selfless all this time, now’s your turn to prove to him how far you’d go if it’s for him. You’d give him his freedom if that would mean he gets to live a happier and more comfortable life.

What you didn’t expect, however, is for tears to fill his eyes and roll down his pale cheeks in thick rivulets as he looks at you in  _ utter brokenness. _

He opens his mouth to say something but closes it again. Biting his lip, he whispers words that slash through your heart.

_ “Is it something wrong with me?” _

In an instant, you scramble to pull him in a tight embrace, your sobs breaking free along with your pleas for forgiveness.

“I’m so sorry, Shin,” you cry as you hug him even tighter, his own arms also wrapping around you in his shaky effort to hold you snug against his body. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!  _ Fuck-- _ I didn’t mean it, I don’t want to break up! I didn’t mean it, I’m so sorry, Shin, _ I’m so sorry _ , I don’t want to break up, not now, not ever, I’m so sorry--,” strings of apology spill profusely from your mouth and the moment Kita plants his lips against yours, you kiss him back with fervor, trying to convey just how much you don’t want to be away from him.

With one last peck, he closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against yours, his breath still coming a bit short from his remaining tears.

“Please don’t scare me like that again.  _ I love you, my [Y/N] _ . I don’t plan on leaving you and our child ever,” he says with tearful sincerity, it compels you to kiss him again followed by a firm declaration of how much you feel the same way.

Hugging him close to you, you resolve to tell him  _ everything _ . You let it all out; how you thought- still think he chose to be miserable when he chose you, how you  _ just know _ that you ruined his life, how you feel like you’re being selfish for taking him away from his family, from his gran, how you thought you’d give him his freedom so he could live a better life, how  _ scared _ you were that he would agree when you told him you’d break up. 

With each word passing through your lips, his embrace gets a little tighter as he whispers assurances to your ears, rubbing soothing circles on your back all the while.

“ _ You didn’t ruin my life, you made it better.” _

_ “You’re my family now.” _

_ “I am free when I am with you. I chose you and I’ll do it over and over again.” _

Amidst the tearful confessions you both lay on each other, you grip his shirt tight in a fist as you finally tell him the thing you’ve felt most frightened about when he chose you.

“ _ I feel like I’ve taken you away from your world, Shinsuke. I feel like I hurt you.” _

He stops his ministrations when he moves to hold both your shoulders in a gentle but firm grip, looking you straight in the eyes as he speaks to life the words that will forever remain in your heart and soul.

_ “You didn’t take me away from my world, because you are my world, always have been and always will be.” _

And at that very moment, you just know deep within your heart that Kita Shinsuke has been, still is,  _ and will always be your world. _


End file.
